Spring is making me sad.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. Flowers and breezes and sundresses are great. But bouldering season ended way too quickly.
You may have noticed, O Dedicated Reader, that I haven’t posted in a while. Well, that’s because I was too sad to write after the weather ruh-UINED my spring break. I mean, not really. But kind of. You know? You don’t, but you will, ’cause I’m going to tell you now.
Months ago, Caroline and I both took off all of spring break and an extra weekend so that we could have Super Awesome Rocktown Fun Times fo dayyyz. And we did. For two days. Ish. We tried lots of new projects and didn’t send anything and drank gas station sangria that was surprisingly good. And then it rained, and kept raining for the rest of the week at every crag in the Southeast.
It did not, however, rain in Athens. And everybody freaked out. It was like, 65 degrees outside, and girls all over town emerged bikini-clad from their winter nests to tan on the still-dead grass, smiling and shivering in the breeze. And my non-climbing acquaintances kept saying things like, “Oh em GEEE, it is SO. NICE OUT.” And I was just like:
But it ended up being an okay week. Seester and I actually spent a day hanging out in Chattanooga proper, which I hadn’t really done before. It was wet, but Chatty wears rain well. We found a vegan restaurant (with donuts!) and a bakery for dogs and Jane Austen-inspired toddler books for our future progeny and…
Well, anyway. We didn’t climb.
But guess when I did climb? Last weekend! And guess where I climbed? Boone!
It was my first time there, and it. was. awesome. I was apprehensive about climbing on granite (#boatrockh8rsclub), but the rock was wonderfully grippy and not too sharp.
I went up with Evan, John (the one who went to the Obed with us last summer!), and another John. (There are actually quite a few Johns. This one was one of the professors on my Costa Rica study abroad last year! He is super cool and has a greenhouse and roasts his own coffee beans.) We were only there for two days, and after a brief detour to the M1 (?) Boulders, we split our time between Grandmother Mountain and Blowing Rock.
It was beautiful, so lush and uncorrupted. It was hard to believe it had been snowing there a few weeks prior.
It was refreshing not to see any graffiti on the rock or trash on the ground. The area doesn’t get as much foot traffic as many climbing spots. There’s not a guidebook or even a topo for these boulder fields, and there’s not much information on the internet. We learned some stuff from the Boone Boulders website and the rest from other humans at the crag.
I sent three ~V4s at Grandmother: Dynobot (which I did not dyno), Car Door (a sloper-juggy-sidepully feature climb with one big move in the middle), and a slopey traverse I don’t remember the name of. I didn’t get to try any fives, but there is allegedly a moderates mecca within the Grandmother Boulders called Valley of the Kings. I really want to find it and work Potato Chip, a V5 feature climb that looks super goofy in the best way.
The slopey traverse.
Oh, hey, check out this climb. It is called Look Ma, No Hands and is supposedly a zero or a one or something. You are supposed to climb it with just your feet, but I think only Evan got up without using his knees or elbows. Super awkward to climb and fun to watch:
Super Strong Nick joined us Saturday evening, and our camp site was super sketch. We were actually camping on the side of the road. In this tiny clearing across from a death hill. Awaiting attack by bandits. In retrospect, I kind of doubt the legality of our setup… Caroline and I are planning a trip for April, and we will be opting for a more ~*legit*~ space.
Everyone complained the next day about how loud and windy and cold the night was, but I slept like a very sleepy rock in a fuzzy sleeping bag I borrowed from Evan’s mom (Thanks a ton, Faye!). In the morning, we went to Blowing Rock so Evan could work a V10 called Squeeze Job and Nick could get on Flagyl, another 10. There weren’t as many moderates here, at least not that we knew about. I got shut down quickly by The Finn, a V5 that Obed John sent at the start of the day.
John on The Finn.
I was also denied by a supposed V3 called Center 45. Apparently it is ultra-classic. Meh. I never got the first move.
I tried the five to its right, the name of which I have forgotten, and was quickly shut down uh-gain. Then Greenhouse John and I found a wall of jugs with Nick’s guidance. We repeated a few zeros with increasingly harder/sillier beta, then got pumped on some contrived traverses before checking out another four called Harvester of Sorrows. I really liked the first part of this problem: slightly reachy moves on kind-of-terrible slopers, then a WHOOSH-y heel hook and some hand matching. But the topout is some awkward slapping around and then a giant mantle I just couldn’t do yet. (Have I mentioned how mantle-weak I am?) I’ll get it next time, though; I’ve been upping my pushup game.
Nick and Evan didn’t send their problems, but they still climbed well. Nick got every move on Flagyl out of sequence before splitting his tip and heading home, and Evan was sooo close on Squeeze Job. But most importantly, at the end of the day, we got pizza.
SOMETHING’S COMING YOUR WAY.
They are vegan and full of protein. Here is the recipe, kind of. (“scoop” = ice cream scoop)
Recipe, Kind Of*
1 can of chickpeas
1.5ish scoops of almond butter
1.5ish scoops of shelled hemp seeds
1 tsp. baking powder
a little salt
Put all of that in a food processor and mixed it all up ’til it’s dough. Then ball it up into little cookie nuggets, press ’em down with a fork, and press the following tidbits into the top:
some chocolate chips
some coconut flakes
Then bake ’em at 350 degrees. I think mine were in the oven for about 12 minutes. They should be soft and taste like health. You can obviously forego the chocolate chips to make them #sugarfree or whatever, but I would also opt for a sweeter nut butter because the chocolate is what made these taste not-legume-y.
*I can’t take total credit for this concoction. It is based on a recipe I found on Instagram a while back, from @herbivorous_rex.
**Full disclosure: I edited the colors in three photos and cropped two of them. Not John’s doing!